Having a baby is transformative!
Pregnancy and delivery comes with hormonal and physiologic changes that affect your body and mind. In the midst of these changes, you are also taking on a new role- being a mother!
Today let’s talk about this huge life transition!
This transition begins right after your delivery:
Taking-In Phase (1-2 days after delivery)
While you heal at the hospital, this is a time of reflection and to organize your thoughts on your new role. Talking about your experience of labor and birth helps with this adjustment.
Taking Hold Phase (2-4 days after delivery)
This is when you start actively participating in care for your newborn.
Letting Go Phase (day 4 to whenever!)
When you accept your new role and give up your old roles like being a woman without a child or a mother of just one child.
Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother, initially coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael, Ph.D. (1973). Dr. Aurelie Athan describes it as “a developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond.”
Remember your transition of puberty? (even though we would all like to forget that!)
Adolescence brings on physical changes in your hormones, body and brain as well as psychological changes. In the midst of all this, you are growing into new roles and new responsibilities.
The passage into motherhood is the same! Matrescence also brings on hormone, body, brain, and psychological changes. It begins during pregnancy and continues after the baby is born. You are also learning the new role of being a mom.
What changes occur during matrescence?
Physical. Changes in your body (both physical and hormonal)
Psychological. Changes in your identity (now as a mother or a mother of two instead of just you, changes in self esteem due to your change in body
Social. Reevaluation of friendships and other relationships, changes in your marriage with new roles and responsibilities, professional standing at work
Spiritual. Recommittentment to faith, existential questioning, increase spiritual practices
The transition to motherhood can have many opposing feelings.
You may feel like you miss your old life.
You may also love being with your little one and being a mother.
There is nothing wrong with feeling these dichotomous feelings. These are normal feelings of entering into motherhood.
Any transition can be bumpy but let’s see what you can do to make the ride smoother!
Expect Change
Most mom’s read up about the changes of pregnancy but are left in the dark about what motherhood brings postpartum. Be aware and realistic about the physical and emotional changes you will experience after delivery, especially change in your role to being a mom.
Give yourself Time
Give yourself time to adjust to this role. It is not all maternal instinct. Like any new job, there is a learning curve. Don’t hold unrealistic expectations of yourself.
Time may also be needed for you to “grieve” your old self and life and come to terms with this new person you are now!
Say no to mom guilt!
The most important thing is not to compare yourself with other moms! We are all on our own experience throughout this transition. Don’t let your fantasies and what you think you see on social media make you feel less!
Ask for support
Your hands are full with taking care of your baby, taking care of yourself, and figuring out how to be a parent - all while sleep deprived! Do not feel ashamed if you need help. Ask for it!
Friends and family will be more than happy to lend a hand. Get a postpartum doula or night nurse or invest in a food delivery service if you can!
Be present and enjoy this time!
True, transition into motherhood can be challenging and frustrating but don’t let that take away the amazing moments with your little one that can be joyful and memorable!
Just like your adolescence, matrescence is a period of change and learning! Be patient with yourself and give yourself grace.
Imagine if you were a teenager , what kind of pep talk would you give your teenage self? Now look in the mirror and say that to your current self!
Motherhood is beautiful and messy. Embrace all the joys and challenges of motherhood! Remember all mothers are going through this transition and you are not alone in this!
Reach out to MaternalWell text support or schedule a consultation with our specialists.
Our peer groups are a great way to talk to others going through the same journey!