Having a baby is a big adjustment for any relationship.
Babies mean sleepless nights, more responsibilities, new roles, and lack of time together!
Now add to that postpartum mood and anxiety disorders and this can make it even more challenging!
Today let’s talk about how you can keep your relationship strong while recovering from this medical issue.
True! Around 20 % of mothers can experience postpartum depression!
This is a very common medical issue that needs appropriate care and treatment. Left untreated, it can not only impact you but your child and relationship.
If you are unsure if you have postpartum mood or anxiety disorder talk to a healthcare provider for a screening test.
True! Shocking, right? It is romanticized that having a baby makes a couple even closer.
The reality is that:
66% of couples are not happy with their relationship within the first 3 years after delivery!
20% of couples get separated in the first year!
False! Women with postpartum depression report more marital dysfunction than women without.
Postpartum mood and anxiety disorder is a big stressor on your relationship. This relationship dysfunction can last long after you have recovered from postpartum depression, not only affecting both of the partners but also your children.
Here are some ways postpartum depression and anxiety can be challenging to a relationship:
Symptoms of irritability and rage. These may be unknown or unexpected symptoms of postpartum depression/anxiety. Usually, it is towards those closest to you (like your partner).
Inability to communicate. You may be not able to tell your partner what you are going through, maybe due to the stigma you feel attached to postpartum depression/anxiety. Your partner may not be able to talk to you for fear of how it may make you feel.
Lack of awareness or understanding. You or your partner may not be aware or have an understanding of postpartum depression/ anxiety, believing it will just go away. If you or your partner are not aware of symptoms and signs of this common medical issue it can be left untreated and left to add hardship to your relationship.
Loss of intimacy (physical and emotional). Many women have symptoms of fatigue, loss of interest in sex and feelings of guilt surround depression and anxiety. These can all affect intimacy in a relationship.
Feelings of neglect. Taking care of a baby takes up your time! You and your partner may feel neglected as more attention is turned to the baby.
You need to take care of your relationship, just like you do with your baby.
Yes! Talk to it, Feed it, Swaddle it, Nurse it!
Of course, it is difficult with the demands of being a new parent and with postpartum depression. But as is the case with any medical issue, when you can take care of each other, that can give you both greater satisfaction in your relationships!
Let‘s take a look at what you can do!
Talk to it!
Communicating what you are feeling is hard anytime but it is even more challenging with postpartum depression.
Sometimes you may not know what you are feeling! This is where tools you learn with a therapist may come in handy. Also journaling your feelings first can help you process them and formulate how you want to share them with your partner.
Creating a safe space and acknowledging your partner's feelings are an important part of communications. Remember to use “I statements” to remove blame.
“Is this a good time to talk?”
I am worried
I am scared
I feel resentful
I am concerned
I feel sad
Swaddle it!
Just like a swaddle supports your baby, support each other! Show concern about how your partner is feeling. Allow a safe space for sharing difficult feelings.
Especially with depression, it can feel very isolating. But you are in this together! You chose to form this partnership! Even if it is very hard for you, it is also hard for your partner.
You may need to lean on your partner more at this time as you are recovering, but also allow a little support on your end!
Feed it!
Feed your relationship with love and gratitude. Finding appreciation in your partner may be difficult if you are feeling resentful, unseen and unheard. But find at least one thing you are grateful for in each other and verbally express this gratitude.
“Thank you for understanding”
“Thank you for being here”
“Thank you for helping while I recover”
Nurse it!
If your baby is sick you would go to see a pediatrician. If your relationship is suffering, seek counseling. Seeking counseling, together, separate or both, is a helpful was to work through marriage difficulties with postpartum depression. A therapist can give you the tools you need to support your marriage through your recovery and to keep a strong relationship.
Remember that postpartum mood and anxiety disorders are temporary! You can recover with support and treatment. Make sure your relationship survives through these challenges. Be proactive and get counseling to get the coaching and tools you both need!
You both are in this together! Going through postpartum depression may be challenging to a relationship, but it can also strengthen your partnership.
Learning the skills to work together as a team, especially when one partner is struggling with a medical issue can make your relationship stronger than ever!
Remember MaternalWell has a licensed counselor that can help guide you through these challenges. As always, reach out to our text support for any general questions.
