You may have thought that having a baby with your partner will draw you even closer together. But even the strongest of bonds are tested during this transition to your new roles as parents and the stress and responsibilities that go along with that.
So today, grab your other half and let’s talk a little about couples' self care for your relationship!
According to a study by the Gottman Institute around 67% of couples are unhappy in their relationship after having a baby . This can be even until 3 years after the birth!
You are not alone in this. Most of us may expect an experience out of the movies with relationships getting stronger and deeper than ever after a magical birth. Well, the reality is that when you throw in lots of sleepless nights, feeding frustrations and the time and attention that it takes to be a new parent you are more likely to have some challenges.
According to new studies, one-fifth of parents split within the first year of having a child. It is important to recognize when you need support and to give attention and time to your relationship.
Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Engage the services of a postpartum doula.
Enlist some support. Birth doulas are well-known among many couples. Postpartum doulas provide postpartum care to mothers and couples. A postpartum doula is a non-medical practitioner who has been qualified to "mother the mother."
Postpartum doulas have received instruction in newborn care and breastfeeding and lead parents through the highs and lows over the first few months. This can take some pressure off you both and give you both time to adjust.
Spend more time listening to each other.
Your spouse can't read your thoughts, regardless of how close you were before the baby arrived. Your lives are changing, and you both need to learn about it.
If you're resentful, furious, or frustrated, you and your partner need to communicate this to each other.
Ask if this is a good time to talk, if not give an alternative time.
Be open with your needs: do you want a hug or to feel understood?
Use active listening which is a technique that requires the listener to thoroughly absorb, understand, respond, and retain what's being said. Which means you need to listen while your partner talks instead of thinking of what you are going to say next.
Feeling hurt, try to practice “I feel” “ I think” “I’d like” statements to focus on your own feelings rather than pointing fingers at the other person.
Pick a weekly time to talk about the difficult things .
Carve out alone time.
If this is your first child, you will be astounded by the amount of attention a new baby necessitates—as well as your newfound loss of freedom. Enlist your family, friend or a babysitter to help you have some alone time together. Curling up with your favorite TV show for half an hour, heading for a stroll, or relaxing down in a café with a cup of coffee is unexpectedly rejuvenating.
Prioritize Your Well-Being and Focus on The Basics
Each of you should have some “me” time built in . Use your weekly “meetings” or “check ins” to schedule some of this for yourselves.
Focus on the essentials to help care for your emotional well-being so you can be a good partner. Those fundamentals include:
Regularly exercising
Sleeping well
Eating healthy
Friends and Family support network
Me time
Partner time
Practice Gratitude and Kindness
Simply saying thank you to each other at least daily and speaking with kindness can be a great start.
You can even share three things you love about your partner and three things you're grateful for with your partner to turn that gratitude into a shared experience. Try this weekly or even daily.
Keep laughing.
Sometimes things are taken too seriously! Lighten up and find moment’s to laugh together as you both are on this journey of parenthood together.
You are not a relationship failure if you encounter some challenges. Remember most couples go through this. Be proactive in safeguarding your relationship with some of these tips. Your marriage after childbirth may be different but can be one of compassion, affection, and maturity.
Please reach out to our MaternalWell couples counselor if you would like a session to discuss strategies on strengthening your relationship before or after delivery.
